outside my window

i woke up thirsty and cold that night. 

i laid awake until i thought to look out and find him there. right against the glass, as if he'd been there for hours, waiting for me to wake up. i noticed him standing still, save for the wind in his hair. it never crossed my mind that this should be alarming; i possibly even called for him. 

regardless, that's where i left him. i couldn't fall back asleep, but i also couldn't get up. maybe that's all he needed, for me to know that he could see me, and always would. 

when it's mental

my heart slowly begins to race as the trail steepens. i attempt to maintain control but it bursts outside of my chest, past its allowed rate. my breathing quickens and my pores begin to perspire. there's an ounce of darkness that lingers over my thoughts and thighs, over my weak quads and smaller calves. the darkness lingers longer but then evaporates as the sun begins to set. my body becomes familiar with the dirt underneath my feet and my heart stabilizes. my breathing deepens and i begin to exhale gratitude. my body has carried me before, and it will carry me again.