inside

my mind has been my worst enemy for as long as i can remember; darkness lives within, and it always will. there will always be a battle between continuously spiraling downward into a pit of despair, and climbing steep switchbacks. every single day is a fight for clarity.

the only things that have ever saved me have been writing and running. at some point you have to stop trying to slay your demons and instead understand them, stay a step ahead of them. i can't run from them, but instead run towards them.

growing pains

i was twelve.

i'd wait for my mother after school and just stare down at my feet; both chucks with holes in them, soles about to fall off. my father would calculate our commute in the mornings as to use the least amount of gas. he too stared down at my feet and i could sense some fraction of shame, maybe disappointment. i didn't ask for new shoes that year, as i'd done the year before. i never brought up my wet feet or aching heels. i let those shoes deteriorate and fall apart, like the broken mirrors at home.

punctures

i can feel his breath on my neck while i lay there. he's biting his lip and holding a steady gaze as he concentrates on my skin. i turn to his hands as he steadily moves them ever so slightly. my skin is numb and my hands are starting to get cold yet my mind feels like it's floating. i notice a very slight tingling sensation as this goes on for a couple hours. he begins to wipe away some ink and even a little bit of blood, giving the needles some rest. his art, now permanently on my skin.

norte

they were kids when they met. he promised her a better life on the other side and the chance to make all of her dreams come true. he promised her love, children, and a home.

on the other side, they found 16 hour work days and a sun so strong that for the first year, she was always light headed. they ended up on fields that never ended and daily he would tell her that their better lives were just past that horizon; a horizon that was always too far away.

looking back, who knows if it was all better.