running for life

Pain has become a state I accept. Perhaps one that I even start craving and looking forward to. 

We create pain to drown pain, if I may borrow words that keep coming back. 

There's a weight on the heart that simultaneously is freeing. A thought of destruction and burning down. A thought I know well because I believe out of ashes often comes beauty. 
So how quickly can I light a match and watch the beautiful flames do their cleansing?

Flames. Fire. Heat. Passion.  

I seek the pain of tearing myself down to build myself up stronger. I crave the pain to numb out the rest; Running up the pavement and asphalt, running up the trails. Running in near complete darkness and then under the unforgiving sun. Running side by side and then running with no other human. Two opposite runs, opposite conditions, same mental head space. Perhaps my mind is still running under the moonlight because all I can think about is having been there before. 


In my head
Stay in the present.
Build your tomorrow from here.
Fight for the flames, fight to burn down, fight to own the ashes. 
Love the ashes and throw them into the wind, over the trails and under the moon. 
Ride into the wind, run past the sunset. Keep running until sunrise.

Visualizing
There will be be pain.
There will be salted tears of joy and agony and wait and release.
But there will be release.

Chasing
Chase that which will tear down and tear open.
Chase that which will make you grow.
Chase that which will help set things on fire. 


You must be willing to suffer, and I have accepted. 

'Get yourself a car and drive it all alone

Get yourself a car and ride it on the wind.'

                                      Getaway Car

                                      Audioslave